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all of your slow-mo beer-spilling needs covered in one cute, robotic package

I know, I know, it's sad that I just learned about the Asahi beer robot, because things like that should be brought to my attention immediately. No less, it's pretty awesome (and they even "upgraded it"), because how many times have you wished you had all the charm of a babbling Japanese child wonkily pouring beers in the comfort of your own home, but wondered how you'd get around the hurdles of Japanese child-theft  and child-rearing? God bless the Asahi beer robot. Chattering away in Japanese, slowly and ineffectively tottering around, and spilling beer, just like a REAL child-bartender, but in a neat electronic package! Yay, technology!

P.S. Japan is still more awesome than the U.S. Please note:

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