street meat (ha ha get it?)

Having lived in major metropolitan areas, I feel like I've gotten past any discomfort about homeless people. They're there, you'll go broke if you give change to everyone who asks, and the ones who aren't crazy or running intricate scams are just normal people who don't have a house and might have several jackets on at once and probably aren't real thrilled to be sifting through that garbage can. I takes a lot to make me pull a "terrified small child gawk" (aka "the Midwestern staaaaaaare") at this point in my life. I can now say that standing right in the middle of the sidewalk, looking like David the Gnome in greyscale, fully exposing your penis falls into the category of "things I WILL gawk at." That's right! I saw homeless David the Gnome's genitals. Because they were on full, joyous display, in spite of Mr. the Gnome's shirt being fastened securely to his pants at the sides. The major design flaw in pinning your pants to your shirt JUST at the sides seems to be that your penis and testicles may or may not be exposed in the approximate 2 foot gap between articles of clothing at the front (the front being where the male reproductive organs generally can be found, and perhaps an area warranting a pinning more than, say, the sides). Naturally, I did enough of a rubberneck when I walked past to notice that his pants were securely attached in the back. I mean, naturally. It kind of reminded me of the time I was walking into my dentist's office in Chicago and this nice woman in a sweatsuit backed up against the corner of the building, yanked her pants down to her feet, leaned forward, and unleashed a torrential downpour of urine with unbelievably impressive aim - all while yelling at someone across the street. But I digress. David the Gnomeless, you definitely snapped me right out of my post-boxing stupor, and I really wish I didn't have to see your penis. I'm a little curious as to WHY your penis was flapping out in the breeze because it was pretty chilly and rainy today, but I didn't think it would be very cool to stop and point out that your genitals were making a grand appearance. Especially if that was the "look" you were going for. Sir. I mean, if Tara Reid can walk around with her entire breast flapping in the breeze, I suppose it could happen to anyone. Right? 

Comments

[Pook]

Ahhhhh, gotta love the bums. See, here in Vegas, we have interesting bums. I'm sure not unlike the ones in NYC. The other day, I saw a guy that just could NOT let Christmas go. He had a full strand of tinsley garland wrapped around his head and a HUGE ornament hanging from his necklace. Here lately, there is a bum camped out on the overpass near my house and I like his honesty. His sign says "I just want beer." I considered giving him $1.

I have also had the penis experience. I was sitting at a light in my friends car with her and her husband. At the corner was a bus stop. This guy, gets up, walks to the curb so as to allow the urine to go into the gutter. Small problem...cars whipping by tends to create a hell of a breeze. I felt bad for the people at the bus stop, but the image...it's forever burned into my brain.