FACT: cnn is ridiculous

My favorite part of the Inauguration coverage (aside from when a sleep-deprived Diane Sawyer completely went off her nut on live TV) was CNN's urgent posting of crucial facts every 30 seconds. Like my favorite, pictured at left: "FACT The Obamas and Bidens are having coffee with the Bushes at the White House." ZOMG NO WAI. Don't believe the nasty rumors that they're having tea or playing Scrabble, America. The facts are in, and the facts are COFFEE WITH BUSHES IN WHITE HOUSE. Don't believe for a minute that the Bidens are secretly having scones with the Cheneys (haha Cheney in a wheelchair)! Don't believe that the Bushes are hosting the Obamas at Applebee's! FACT: CNN is ridiculous and I only watch it because Fox News is openly retarded. FACT: Wolf Blitzer delivers every line like it's AN URGENT FACT THAT'S SO URGENT AND FACT-LY THAT HE CAN'T STOP TALKING IN A LOUD MONOTONE. FACT: George Bush's retirement will be indistinguishable from his presidency, save for the "permission to create widespread malevolence and destruction" part. FACT: Wolf Blitzer is a cyborg. FACT: President Obama will be riding a unicorn to and from the White House every day. FACT: Beets taste bad. FACT: I have to go now because my stories are on. FACT: Have a lovely weekend, all 3 of you who read this.

P.S. For those of you who missed out on the glorious 12pm changeover of whitehouse.gov:

Moldy vs. New Hotness: new hotness wins.