knifefight in BK

BFF-ing it up

Y'all: I'm in San Francisco. I'll say something when I get back. Meanwhile, I have a date with some sea lions...

an open letter to some idiot at united airlines

Hello, friend. I know it probably sucks to be a baggage handler. All these people traveling here and there, leaving you behind to touch their suitcases, and not even bringing you a nice souvenir! I know it's probably tempting to just rummage through their crap and find your own souvenir. Come on, who really pays attention to the stuff they put in their luggage, anyway? I'm not saying I don't "get it," my friend at United, all I'm saying is that I don't "get" why you jacked my multivitamins. The funny thing is that I don't usually leave medicine in my checked bags, and I don't usually put multivitamins in such a cute little metal box with fun colorful pictures on it (which, incidentally, I was just thinking of retiring as a pill case because of its dubious origins), but it seems that fate (fate being a too-crowded carry-on bag and a much too large vitamin bottle) intervened to land you the sweet, sweet treasure of 4 women's multivitamin tablets and a few zinc tablets. SCORE! My initial theory, upon opening our suitcase and noticing that the contents had "shifted" so much as to open and dump out the contents of our toiletry bag, was that some overzealous TSA person was trying to rid the airplane of smuggled nutrients, but I prefer Justin's theory that you, my baggage-y friend, thought you found some awesome free drugs (that smelled suspiciously of organic milled soy, which everyone knows they use to make E) and ran off with my cutesy pillbox and its mysterious contents. I like to imagine you excitedly popping some illicit women's multi-v and... I don't know, getting iron poisoning? The whole thing is pretty retarded, and while I'm certainly considering suing United for the $1 pillbox and about $2 in vitamins you cost me, I'm mostly concerned with the fact that I never got to fully immerse myself in the trashy wedding magazines I'd been given because of the people yelling in Chinese behind me on the flight home. Anyway, I just want to thank you for making my travels that much more stupid and hilarious. Please enjoy the multivitamins and the zinc! As NewChapter Organics would have you know, you just stole 4 doses of "Nourishing Fulfillment of Every Woman's Needs." Good luck with that!

Love,
Gail

(And for those of you who were concerned about how I coped without my precious purloined multivitamins, my Mom gave me some, and I had some extra zinc in my purse. SO THERE, vita-thief.)

again with the travels

Hi. I'm going to Omaha, site of the picture you're looking at. While I probably won't be hanging out dressed like a topless Norse princess on a table in my Mom's kitchen, I will be hanging out with my Mom, who I believe still has that apron.

But when I return, friends, I will dazzle you with my majesty even more. Have a nice Wednesday!

new orleans was "jazzed" to meet me - really, they said so.

For all 2 of you who were wondering what ever may have been keeping me from lavishing you with my fascinating insights lately (other than, you know, the computer self-destructing and all), let me assure you it's not because I have a problem with your personal hygiene, but in fact I've been traveling. You know, to go to some weddings. Since the whole "let's talk about people you don't know getting married" thing is about as exciting as reading someone's dream journal, I'd like to instead provide you with a totally half-assed travel guide! Here's my guide to glorious, sweltering New Orleans. Enjoy.

ok ok ok i'm back

hi everybody! i know i promised to post all 400 billion of my vacation pictures, but, uh, NO. i uploaded most of them to this album on snapfish, so, if you have a burning desire to see a minnesota goat farm in depth AND a snapfish account, hey, knock yourself out. i've provided a mercifully abbreviated version here, and by "mercifully abbreviated, " i mean "STILL WAY TOO MANY PICTURES." meanwhile, please enjoy this picture of me and my veggie dog in toronto, where veggie dogs are plentiful. ok? ok. bye. and yes, i have missed you all very much. awwwww.

why are white people always doing this crap?

yes, this is the most unflattering picture ever, yes, wetsuits leave little to the imagination, and yes, i know we look like a kind of weak team of superhero... white people. no less, this, THIS is how i spent my last saturday: with four hours of sleep, on a rubber boat, in ice-cold water, with a mouthful of the hudson river, wearing 3 layers of ill-fitting wetness. GO TEAM! that's right, i went a-rafting. this was justin's friend's idea, by the way. it was a good time. i've never felt more... cold and slippery. in my life. no, for real, it was a good time, even though i was just WAITING for the deliverance banjo-music to start and horror to go down SOMEhow. but it didn't. if you reallyreallyreally need to know more, check out the picture-story here. i mean, view me in a wetsuit with no makeup on at your own risk, 'cause i'm not paying for your PTSD counselling...

again, i request that you blame the red states.

ok, look, y'all: i've been a busy lady. admittedly, "busy" for me is anything that interrupts my general one-ness with my couch, but i've been, like, REAL PEOPLE busy. i was in omaha, chillin' with the notorious dr. mom, who had herself some foot surgery (if i was your daughter, would you trust me to take care of you post-surgery? i wouldn't. mom's a brave lady.), and i've been working on a project (i have applicable skills that i like to whip out every now and then) that kind of stole, uh, my life. but anyway, you don't want my excuses! let me make it up to you, with many wonderful pictures of my january trip to vegas, which i have made less boring by replacing the "this is us a a fountain! here is us at another fountain!" text with useful life-knowledge, ok? i'm in your corner. and if you're wondering what that weird picture of me wedged into a small space by some weird pole is all about, it is PROOF OF MY BUSY-NESS, PEOPLE! this is me wedged unsafely into the front seat of a lighting equipment-packed car for the aforementioned "project that stole my life." so you know i'm not making it up. so there. and please don't be annoyed that it's going to take forever for me to finish the captions. i have laundry to fold, ok? i have needs too.

holy crap, i went to staten island

and it wasn't for some bizarre wu-tang clan initiation or to visit vinnie pastore. i know what you're thinking: why? well, justin's awesome friend erin mccuskey (pictured at left, being all cello-like) was there. i know what you're thinking now: why? because marah-mar, the band she makes cello-sounds in, was playing there. i know what you're thinking: why? because they wanted to, asshole. sordid tales of underage drinking, lara croft impersonators vs. bitter large gentlemen, and the general horror that is staten island can be found here.

ok i'm back.

four days of amtrak and over the counter codeine and rollin' with some birds of prey and now i'm back. i'll post my faintly ridiculous canada pictures in a minute, but now i have to go to staten island, you know, like you do on a saturday. so please enjoy this picture of me and a bird that could have snapped and eaten my eyeballs at any minute.
UPDATE: check out the majesty here.

i'm baaaaaaaack

y'all, i know it's been hard living without me. between my alleged vacation and my computer deciding to commit ritual suicide (i'm not ready to talk about that yet, ok? it hurts), i've been ABSENT lately. and i'm sorry. i love you all. now go look at my new, exciting photo album.