I.P. FREELY

ladies and... ladies, behold the p-mate, the "portable feminine urinating device" that's basically, um, a funnel-y, slide-type deal you can use in lieu of growing your own penis with which to urinate whilst standing. i pretty much think... ok, i don't know what to think, but i really enjoy 1. the illustrations, 2. the fact that the website implores me to "discreetly enjoy hygienic freedom", and 3. come on! it's a lady-pee-ramp! woo hoo! i've always said that if i spontaneously generated a wang, the first thing i'd do is drink a gallon of coffee and pee. men don't have to deal with the wee-sprayed seats like we do - you know, where the lady before you clearly didn't get the memo that you WILL NOT actually get chlamydia if your butt-cheek grazes the plastic toilet seat at starbucks, and thus decides to just sort of "aim" in the general vicinity of the toilet and furiously spray urine everywhere in a 5 foot radius, like a human sprinkler? anyway, i envy people who are anatomically precluded from having to deal with the horror of mopping up another human's warm urine while doing the pee-pee dance in a filthy, cramped stall, and i'm glad the nice people of p-mate are fighting to combat this tragedy. now, i know what you're thinking: why in the crap do i know about this magical device? BECAUSE THE G-MAIL TOLD ME. that's right, gmail took one look at my email conversation with my friend kathleen, and somehow knew that the most appropriate banner ad would be for a portable lady-pee-ramp. how's that for technology? kathleen, did you even know that our dinner plans somehow quietly implied that we were in dire need of "hygienic freedom"? because i didn't. anyway, i have to go now... and buy myself a pack o' p-mates for the holidays.

Comments

[nicole]

i love how in the "how to use" section they tell you to "relax" prior to peeing. how is this not a joke?